For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
