the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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