We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
