I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
it hurts more in the daytime
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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