Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
