i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Let's get the cat blown out
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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