whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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