you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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