Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
