and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
