"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
