I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
