I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I love you. Go after that dick
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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