it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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