What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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