so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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