Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
