HIV tests are more positive than that guy
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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