Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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