super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
