Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize