I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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