at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
