Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize