remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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