Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Sext me about skeletons
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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