She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
