I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
