Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
