Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
