hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
