your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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