Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
