roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
