She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize