I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
