i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
