when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
