I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
