Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
