so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
