Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
