Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize