lets start a swedish sibling band together
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
