Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
