That's when you crack a 10am beer
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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