My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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