im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
how do flat chested girls get laid?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He passed out mid-signature
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
