Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Randomize
