there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
