I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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