This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
