Your face is a jimmy john
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
