I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
