I'm eating all of the evidence.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
