I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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