is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
