Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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