i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
