3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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