2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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