Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my shit smells like andre
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
