this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
