if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Randomize
